Spy Away Home (The Never Say Spy Series Book 10) Page 7

  “Well…” Spider began, but Jack interrupted him.

  “Sorry, Spider; just before we get started…” She cast him an apologetic glance before continuing, “Aydan, Jill asked me to give you a message to meet her at seven o’clock at Blue Eddy’s. If that doesn’t work, give her a call on her cell but otherwise she’ll see you there.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. Thanks, Jack.”

  “And…” Jack hesitated before giving me a strained smile. “Are you free for lunch today?”

  “Oh… uh… Spider and I are having lunch together…” I trailed off, fairly sure he wanted it to be a private conference.

  “Would you like to join us, Jack?” he asked. If I hadn’t known him so well, I might have missed the dismay he was hiding.

  Jack’s gaze darted between us. “Um… no… thanks. That’s kind of you but, um… I’d better get some work done in my lab. Being on Tammy’s project will cut into my regular research time.” She gave me a beseeching look. “How about grabbing coffee after work? I have to pick up my children from their after-school care, but I promised to take them to the playground afterward. We could get some coffee and sit out and enjoy the nice weather while they play. That’ll leave you lots of time to get to Blue Eddy’s and meet Jill later.”

  “Okay…”

  Concerned, I studied her more closely and noticed for the first time that her usually-flawless ivory complexion was marred by faint bluish circles under her eyes and tiny lines of strain bracketed her full lips.

  My brain sprang into worry-mode while my mouth went on, “…that’ll leave me just enough time to get to the lumberyard and buy my new doors before I meet Jill. Perfect.”

  God, was everybody hiding some stressful secret? And why were they all desperate to talk to me?

  I sighed. “So, getting back to Tammy’s project…”

  By the time we finished our session at noon my tired brain was throbbing. I rose wearily and eyed Spider and Jack, seeing the same anxious frustration on their faces that I felt on my own.

  I hissed out a breath between my teeth. “I hate to say it, but I don’t see any way around this. It’s either edit Tammy’s memories or lock her up.”

  “No, there must be another way,” Spider insisted. He raked his fingers through his hair, rumpling it into untidy peaks. “We’ve still got nearly a week. We’ll think of something. And you always find a way to make things right.” His trusting words made my guts clench.

  I forced a smile. “Well, I’ll do my best. Come on, let’s get something to eat. Food always makes my brain work better.”

  “Are you sure you won’t join us, Jack?” Spider inquired nobly, and managed not to look relieved when she shook her head.

  When we left the building my feet turned automatically toward the Melted Spoon, but Spider touched my arm. “No, let’s go to the Greenhorn instead,” he said. “I’ll drive.”

  “Okay.” I fell into step beside him and we made the short walk to the Sirius parking lot in silence.

  I slid into his lime-green Smart car and watched while he folded himself into the driver’s side. When the doors were safely closed, he reached into his pocket, murmuring an apology when I had to plaster myself against the passenger door to avoid his elbow in the cramped space. He opened his hand to reveal a bug detector and let out a breath of relief at the indicator light’s reassuring green glow.

  “What’s going on, Spider?” I demanded. “Why the cloak-and-dagger stuff?”

  He sighed again and returned the bug detector to his pocket, necessitating another round of dodge-the-elbow. “Sorry,” he said tiredly. “I just… I don’t want Stemp to know I’m talking to you about this, and Brock… well, it’s not that I don’t trust him, exactly… but…”

  “I wouldn’t trust that little shit any farther than I could throw him,” I said. “Hell, never mind that. I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I could throw this whole damn car. With you and me in it.”

  “No… Well, I mean, yeah… but no; he’s trustworthy. I mean, he’s got top-level clearances and I know he’d never breach security,” Spider mumbled. “I just meant… I mean, well… I don’t trust him… um, personally.”

  I studied his unhappy profile as he ran his fingertip back and forth on the steering wheel.

  “You mean he’s the kind of guy who’d pry into your personal life to find out your deepest secrets just so he could use them to make you miserable,” I said.

  Spider gave me a single eloquent glance. “Yeah. Or make somebody you love miserable.”

  The embers of the morning’s anger flared to life and my voice boiled out of my throat. “Spider, what is he doing to you? Or to Linda? Tell me.”

  His eyes widened. “Aydan, d-don’t… I mean…” He gulped. “Um… could you please, um… don’t take this wrong, but could you please stop looking like you’re going to kill somebody? Promise you won’t hurt him.”

  “No promises,” I grated.

  “Aydan, no! Please!” He clutched my hand, his fingers icy. “I don’t want you to get in trouble. He’s not worth it. Please promise me. If you don’t promise, I can’t tell you. And I really need to talk to you about this. Please?” The naked appeal in his eyes twisted my heart.

  I swallowed the anger, smoothing my expression and steadying my voice. “Don’t worry, Spider, I promise not to hurt him…” I mentally added, ‘because I’ll kill the little shit so fast he’ll never even feel the pain’, and finished aloud, “… and I’m sorry I scared you. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  His breath came out in a whoosh. “Oh, thank you, Aydan! I knew I could count on you!”

  He backed out of the parking space and steered in the direction of the Greenhorn Café. We were barely under way when he burst out, “Oh, Aydan, everything’s so messed up I don’t even know where to start!”

  “Start with Brock.” My tone came out a little more dangerous than I’d intended, and Spider glanced worriedly in my direction before returning his gaze to the street.

  “Okay,” he said. “He’s… well… I wouldn’t say this to anybody but you, but… I mean, he’s really smart and good at his job and everything-”

  “Spit it out, Spider.”

  “He just… it’s like he’s always trying to show how he’s better than me. He never says anything in our team meetings but as soon as we’re in front of Stemp he picks my work apart. Any time Linda’s around he makes fun of me and tries to make me look bad. I mean, I know I’m not cool, I never have been, and I know every guy in town has been chasing Linda ever since high school and she’s ‘way out of my league-”

  “Stop right there!” I snapped.

  He slammed on the brakes, staring wildly around us.

  I chuckled despite my indignation. “No, I didn’t mean ‘stop the car’, I meant ‘stop that train of thought’.”

  “Oh.” He resumed driving, a flush rising on his cheeks. “See, I’m such a doofus.”

  “You are not! You’re the smartest, nicest guy I know.” His blush deepened, and I went on, “Spider, Linda is not out of your league. She loves you and she’s thrilled to be marrying you. Remember, she’s the one who asked you out, not the other way around. And she’s far too smart to fall for Brock’s poison-tongue campaign. Stemp sees right through it, too, so don’t worry. Don’t let Brock spoil your happiness.”

  “Oh, no, I’d never doubt Linda!” Spider shot me a shocked glance. “No, I didn’t mean that. I just meant… I don’t know whether Brock just likes making me miserable or whether he’s hoping to split us up so he can have a chance with Linda, but-”

  My snort drowned out the end of his sentence. “Linda wouldn’t give him the time of day. She’d kick his pathetic little ass so hard he’d end up with two new cheeks on the back of his head. And then you could call him a butthead in all honesty.”

  Spider grinned. “Thanks, I was pretty sure she would, but it’s nice to hear you say it.” His smile disappeared as quickly as it had come. “But that’s what’s bot
hering me. I know Linda loves me and I love her more than anything in the world, but…” He pulled to a stop in the Greenhorn parking lot and turned a tormented face toward me. “This thing with Tammy… I can’t do it, Aydan. I just can’t! And it’s going to spoil everything!”

  “Spider…” I began.

  “It was bad enough when it was just Brock controlling Tammy in the network without her knowing,” he went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Even though you said she wouldn’t mind and she’d be happy to do it, still… it bothered the heck out me. But now…”

  He faced me, squaring his shoulders even though his lips quivered. “I won’t tamper with her memories. I won’t. I’ll quit first. And if they go ahead anyway I’ll tell her about it, even if Stemp sends me to jail for breaching security.”

  He gulped and went on, his voice trembling. “If I’m in jail I can’t expect Linda to wait for me, and even if I don’t end up in jail, I’ll never be able to work in any high-security position ever again. Flipping burgers is the only job I could get here in Silverside, and if I wanted a regular tech job I’d have to move to Calgary…”

  Emotion drove his voice higher and his words tumbled out. “Linda didn’t sign up to marry a burger jockey, and she doesn’t want to live in Calgary. I know she’d move to be with me anyway, but I don’t want her to sacrifice her whole life. She loves her job at the hospital and her whole family is here and she has the store, too; she can’t leave Lola to run Up & Coming all by herself…”

  “Whoa, slow down.” I held up a hand to stem the torrent of anguish, but the dam had burst.

  “…and if Brock finds out about any of this, this… crap… with Tammy he’ll blab it to Linda and she’ll be so hurt because I didn’t tell her, and she’ll be worried, too, and she’s so happy right now planning the wedding and it’ll spoil everything…”

  “Spider, stop!” I gripped his shoulder and gave him a little shake. “Take a breath.”

  He obeyed, blotches of colour burning in his cheeks while he blinked back tears.

  “It’s going to be okay.” I rubbed a soothing circle on his shoulder in lieu of trying to hug him in the cramped space. “I promise we won’t even consider altering Tammy’s memories. I’ve already told Stemp I won’t do it. It’s just not an option, so don’t worry about it anymore. You and Jack are two of the smartest people I know, and we’ve got nearly a whole week. We’ll figure out something. And Stemp knows Brock is a backstabbing little rat so you don’t need to worry about that either. In fact, Stemp said this morning that you’re his most trusted analyst.”

  “I won’t be if I spill the beans to Tammy,” he mumbled.

  “We’ll make sure you don’t have to,” I said firmly despite the sinking sensation in my stomach. “And we’ll figure out a way to get Brock off your back, too. Trust me, we’ll fix this and you can go back to loving your job and planning your wedding without a care in the world.”

  He swallowed hard and brushed the moisture from his eyes. “Thanks, Aydan.” Somehow he managed to get his arms around me despite the lack of space and nearly hugged the life out of me. “I knew you’d make everything better,” he said earnestly. “Thank you.” He let out a long breath. “Let’s go get some lunch.”

  “Sure,” I agreed, and levered myself out of the tiny vehicle to plod into the restaurant, my stomach churning at the magnitude of the lies I’d just told.

  I didn’t have a clue how to resolve the problem with Tammy. And short of killing Brock outright I didn’t have a clue how to make him stop tormenting Spider, either.

  Chapter 9

  His optimism miraculously revived, Spider chattered cheerfully while I forced a sandwich down my dry throat. When we returned to work after lunch, I was so abstracted that I accomplished nothing besides increasing the intensity of my headache. Judging by the way Jack was massaging her temples, I wasn’t the only one suffering.

  But I was the only one who had to face Dr. Rawling’s scrutiny.

  Promptly at two-thirty I drew a deep breath, summoned my best acting skills, and tapped on his office door.

  At the sound of his ‘Come in’, I swung the door open and entered with a brisk stride. Repressing the impulse to slink into the chair that offered a coffee table as a barricade between us, I sat undefended directly across from him, arranging my posture into calm confidence. Letting my arms rest easily on the armrests, I kept my hands loose, feet comfortably apart, knees relaxed. I offered him a disarming smile.

  He returned a kind smile of his own, but I wasn’t fooled. Already his keen eyes were trying to dissect me.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Aydan,” he said. “How have you been?”

  Standard opening line. Easy.

  I went for wry humour. “Pretty much the same as when I talked to you on the phone two weeks ago, except now I’ve got a couple more notches on my gun.”

  Shit, that had come out too flippant.

  “And how do you feel about that?” he inquired gently.

  Go for some fake honesty. “Terrible, to tell you the truth,” I said.

  Damn. Shouldn’t have said ‘to tell you the truth’. All liars say that.

  I let out a breath and coaxed my shoulders back into their relaxed posture. “I’m getting through it,” I added. “Sorry about the black humour; it’s just whistling in the dark. But I’ll be okay. You know I’ve been through the process a few times, so I know how to deal with it.”

  “Yes, you’ve been ‘through the process’, as you put it, far more frequently than we’d like.” Dr. Rawling adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses and offered me one of his trademark sympathetic smiles. “Of course, we’d like it better if you never had to kill, but…” He trailed off with a rueful twist of his lips before asking, “How have you been sleeping?”

  I almost blurted, ‘In my garage’, but that didn’t seem wise. I tilted my hand in a ‘so-so’ gesture that was a lie, and said, “The usual”, which was the truth.

  Fortunately only Kane and Hellhound knew that my ‘usual’ was more-or-less-constant screaming nightmares.

  “So a few nightmares, then?” Dr. Rawling asked.

  “Yeah.”

  Anything more than three was ‘a few’, right?

  The monosyllabic answer didn’t sound cooperative enough, though. Better say something else that sounded sincere…

  I added, “It was pretty upsetting to have that guy blow a hole in my front door. I hate it when bad stuff happens in my house; it always shakes me up.”

  “Yes, that must have been very upsetting.” He studied me, a deceptively mild little man poised to swoop in for the kill. “Do you think that might have contributed to the way you reacted to Tyler Brock this morning?”

  Yep, there was the first attack.

  I parried. “Indirectly, yes. Have you ever had a firearm discharged next to your head in an enclosed space?”

  Any other man might have sounded defensive, but Dr. Rawling’s response was as tranquil and accepting as ever. “No, I haven’t. It must be quite distressing.”

  I blinked. “Um, no… not really distressing. Not if you’re used to guns. It’s just that it’s really fu-” I bit off the f-bomb and substituted, “Really loud. Deafening; literally. And I don’t know how it affects other people, but it makes my ears supersensitive for a while afterward. So when Brock cranked on his music, it physically hurt me. And it startled the hell out of me, too, so I had too much adrenaline in my system. That’s why I overreacted.”

  The doctor settled more comfortably in his chair, as though we were having a cozy little chinwag with no consequences. “Would you like to talk about that?”

  Yeah, sure. And I’d like to hopscotch through a minefield, too.

  But if I volunteered the information I’d look all nice and sane. I suppressed a telltale sigh and reminded myself to keep my posture relaxed and open.

  “It was just one of those stupid things you say in the heat of the moment,” I began. “And I was exaggerating anyway. I’ve only kill
ed two guys this week, not one a day like I told him…”

  Shit, that was probably the wrong tack.

  “I mean, you probably don’t say stuff like that, being a psychologist and all,” I amended. “But what I meant is that it was just an empty threat. Honestly, the thought of really killing Brock… like I killed those other guys…” Despite my best efforts, my arms abandoned their fake relaxation to hug the queasiness in my midsection. I swallowed nausea. “It just about makes me sick. He’s an annoying little shit, but-”

  Suddenly remembering where I was and why, I straightened and replaced my arms in their easy posture. “Sorry, that wasn’t very constructive,” I backtracked. “What I meant was, um, he and I don’t really see eye to eye. But no matter how much he might annoy me, I wouldn’t actually kill him.”

  Dr. Rawling nodded and smiled his innocuous little smile. “What do you think might have happened if your co-workers hadn’t intervened this morning?”

  I stared at him, confused. “They didn’t.”

  He made no response, just watched me with those dangerously kind eyes.

  Apparently that was the wrong answer. Frowning, I thought back.

  “Well, okay,” I conceded. “I guess Spider and Jill said something, but it wasn’t like they were physically holding me back. If I’d really wanted to hurt Brock, they wouldn’t have been able to stop me.”

  Should I have said that? But since he believed I was an agent he’d expect that to be true…

  “But they did intervene, nonetheless,” the doctor reiterated gently. “What do you think might have happened if they hadn’t been there?”

  I shrugged. “Nothing. Or, well, I guess exactly what happened. I’d have threatened him and then backed off.”

  “Even if he had escalated the confrontation? What if he had fought back? Struck you?”

  I pressed my lips together to smother the words ‘I’d have flattened the little fuck’, and stared at Dr. Rawling in silence.